Forcing a smile, she said, “This servant understands. But surely Liang Eunuch serves His Majesty with much more skill. Perhaps you should—”
“Enough nonsense. Just find a way to make His Majesty drink more tea.”
Liang Jiugong cut her off impatiently.
Fang He: If anyone had the guts to let me do whatever I wanted, I would pour this whole pot of tea on your damn head, Liang Jiugong.
Still, she noticed something even more unnerving in his words—
“There are no palace maids available in His Majesty’s presence…”
Did that mean all the maids had been taken away?
What exactly had Ru Yue done?
Forcing herself to remain calm, Fang He nodded obediently and stepped into Zhaoren Hall.
The moment she entered, she caught a faint yet familiar scent in the air.
It was the unmistakable smell that lingered after someone vomited from drinking too much.
Looking into the Western Warm Pavillion, she saw Wei Zhu kneeling as she cleaned.
Everything clicked in her mind.
Ru Yue tried to climb into Kangxi’s bed… and he was so disgusted he threw up?!
She wouldn’t have just flirted—she must have drugged him.
What on earth was going through Ru Yue’s head?!
Fang He’s mind was filled with exclamation marks as she entered the Eastern Warm Pavillion.
At Liang Jiugong’s signal, Li Dequan swiftly slipped away.
Even Liang Jiugong himself hesitated at the threshold of the chamber, unwilling to step inside.
Fang He took a deep breath, hoping the faint traces of alcohol in the air would give her the courage to slap Liang Jiugong across the face.
Unfortunately, the palace had been well-aired to prevent Kangxi from being overwhelmed by the stench.
Fruits had been used to freshen the air, and the only lingering smell of alcohol was on the Emperor’s bed.
Resigning herself to her fate, Fang He approached carefully, placed the teapot on a small table, and glanced at Kangxi.
He was already asleep—and even snoring softly.
She lifted her head to glare at Liang Jiugong.
Liang Jiugong immediately looked away, feigning ignorance.
If waking the Emperor was such an easy task, would he have given Fang He this opportunity in the first place?
Fang He sneered inwardly.
Revenge is best served cold.
Just you wait, Liang Jiugong—when you fall from grace, I’ll make sure to stomp you into the ground.
She didn’t wake Kangxi.
She hadn’t spent all those years working in bars for nothing.
She had served more than a hundred drunk customers—at the very least, dozens.
She knew exactly how to handle drunks, both awake and asleep.
Making him drink tea?
Easy.
She knelt on the footrest, poured half a cup of tea, and let it cool slightly.
Pressing the back of her hand against the tea cup to check the temperature, she then skillfully reached under Kangxi’s neck.
Liang Jiugong was so startled by her actions that he forgot to stay out of it.
He rushed forward, scolding in a low voice,
“Impudent! What do you think you’re—”
But the last two words were swallowed back in shock.
He watched, eyes wide, as Fang He adjusted the Emperor’s pillow, brought the tea cup to his lips, and gently stroked his throat.
Kangxi, without even opening his eyes, swallowed the tea instinctively.
Liang Jiugong: Am I still dreaming? Was it this easy to make someone drink in their sleep?!
He had no idea that drunk people often felt thirsty.
Unless they were completely unconscious, they would naturally drink more if given a little stimulation.
If someone was so far gone that they couldn’t even swallow, they should be sent to a hospital for a stomach pump, not be given tea.
Kangxi had been speaking just a while ago—he clearly wasn’t that drunk. Waking him up was unnecessary.
Besides, who knew what kind of drunken rage he might fly into if he was disturbed?
To ensure her survival, Fang He had no choice but to reveal this skill of hers.
Thankfully, given the past conflicts between herself, Wei Zhu, and Liang Jiugong, she was certain he would not sing her praises.
In fact, the more competent she appeared, the less likely he was to let her serve closely.
She calmly poured two and a half more cups of tea into Kangxi before glancing at Liang Jiugong to ask if it was enough.
And then—
To her utter shock—
Liang Jiugong suddenly dropped to his knees before her.
Their positions were a little too… suggestive.
Are we about to swear brotherhood or something?
Pah!
Fang He subtly shifted her posture, and as she lifted her head, she met Kangxi’s sharp, phoenix-like eyes filled with a terrifying, almost murderous intensity.
He was silently staring at her.
Fang He: Oh crap.
So he wasn’t kneeling to her…
No, wait—why was this drunkard awake?!
Facing the Emperor’s menacing gaze, Fang He felt even more intimidated than Liang Jiugong.
She quickly shuffled backward on her knees, lowering herself like an obedient pillar.
Kangxi pinched the bridge of his nose slowly before rolling over and sitting up.
He nudged Liang Jiugong’s shoulder, his voice hoarse.
“What time is it?”
Liang Jiugong responded in a low voice, “Your Majesty, it’s just past midnight. You can still sleep for another hour.”
Fang He did a quick calculation—half an hour left before she could finally get off duty.
She felt dazed.
This night had felt as long as several days.
Kangxi ignored Liang Jiugong’s reply and instead cast a thoughtful gaze at Fang He.
He remained silent for a moment before speaking.
“You, leave.”
Fang He instinctively raised her butt and was about to bolt.
He didn’t say who should leave, so whoever runs first wins.
Unfortunately, she wasn’t faster than Liang Jiugong.
The moment she pushed herself up, he had already darted out the door.
Fang He: …Damn it. I should have grown more legs.
Feeling the heat of Kangxi’s gaze above her, Fang He’s heartbeat, which had remained steady throughout the night, finally started to waver.
Is this man actually sober right now?
“Come here. I need to change.”
Fang He quickly got up to follow orders, but as soon as she heard his words, she froze.
C-Ch-Change?!
Wait, isn’t that just code for going to the bathroom?!
Damn it!
Am I about to go blind from this?!
“Hurry up!”
Kangxi grabbed her roughly, nearly knocking her over.
His speech was slurred with annoyance.
“Did you not eat? All you do is waste the court’s silver and food!”
Fang He: …Excuse me? That’s my line!
She swallowed her retort.
Given a choice between going blind and losing her life, she knew which one to pick.
Gritting her teeth, she wrapped an arm around Kangxi’s waist.
She had absolutely no intention of appreciating the male lead’s figure in an R-rated moment—she simply braced herself with all her strength and half-carried him to relieve himself.
Thankfully, though Kangxi was struggling to walk straight, he still had his pride as an emperor and made an effort to appear dignified.
He didn’t lean his full weight on her and managed to walk more or less properly to the privy.
Fang He let go and lowered her head, waiting to hear the telltale sound of… well, water.
Instead, she got a sharp knock on the forehead.
Kangxi extended his hand impatiently.
“I need to wash my hands. Do you even know how to serve properly? If not, go train at the Imperial Household Department!”
Fang He: …What the hell?
Do you want me to hold it for you too?!
Taking a deep breath, she held back her frustration.
If she got sent back to the Imperial Household Department, she’d end up in the laundry bureau.
If that happened, she could kiss her future goodbye.
Making up her mind, she reached out to untie the drunken emperor’s belt.
Just as her hand moved forward, she got smacked on the back of it.
Kangxi’s sharp eyes widened in shock.
“Impudent! I meant washing my hands! Are you tired of living?!”
Fang He: …How the hell was I supposed to know?!
Suppressing the blood rising in her throat, she quickly grabbed a cloth from the copper basin, soaked it, and respectfully handed it over.
Kangxi wiped his hands as if wary of her perverted intentions, deliberately turning to the side before finally relieving himself.
Fang He?
She was delighted that he wanted to handle everything himself.
The sooner he finished, the sooner she could go back to sleep.
When she finally heard the rustling of clothing being adjusted, she woodenly soaked another cloth, wrung it out, and handed it over again.
This time, Kangxi didn’t cause trouble.
He methodically wiped his hands and, without any regard, tossed the cloth back into the basin—splashing water directly onto Fang He’s face.
Fang He: …No. I will not think about what was in that water.
Without a word, she wiped her face and supported Kangxi back to his bed.
Just as she was about to lower him onto the bed, his hand on her shoulder tightened.
Like a small chick being held in place—she couldn’t move.
Fang He numbly asked, “Your Majesty?”
What now?!
What do you want now?!
Kangxi was now at peak drunkenness, and with the mind of a particularly slow drunk, he suddenly realized—
“I threw up. Shouldn’t you get me something to eat?”
Fang He: …Eat, just to throw up again?
She forced herself to coax him, “Your Majesty, please lie down for a moment—”
Kangxi grumbled, clearly displeased.
“That dog Liang Jiugong is getting worse at serving!”
Fang He quickly followed up, “I will immediately order the Imperial Kitchen to prepare sobering soup for you.”
Kangxi refused to move.
“I want snacks! That sour soup—even dogs wouldn’t drink it!”
Apparently, Liang Jiugong had frustrated him so much that Kangxi lost all patience.
Instead of waiting, he turned to walk out of the chamber.
“I can’t rely on you useless servants. I’ll order it myself. And once I’m sober, I’ll send you straight to the laundry bureau—”
Fang He’s patience, already hanging by a thread, snapped.
The laundry bureau, was it?
Smiling sweetly, she grabbed Kangxi’s arm.
“Your Majesty, don’t rush. This servant is still quite capable of serving you. How about one more chance?”
Kangxi turned back, still fuming.
“You dare say—”
Before he could finish, Fang He yanked his arm over her shoulder, swiftly shifting her weight—and with a flawless shoulder throw, she slammed him onto the imperial bed.
Kangxi was dumbfounded.
“You—!”
Before he could even react, Fang He pressed a warm, tea-dampened cloth over his face, silencing him.
Then, with practiced efficiency, she applied pressure to his temples, the Hegu acupoint, and the Anmian acupoint—pressing firmly and methodically.
Ten presses per set.
Then a warm cloth wipe.
Repeat.
Half a cup of tea later, she lifted her head.
As expected, the drunken emperor had finally quieted down and fallen asleep.
With his eyes closed, he once again looked like the dignified Son of Heaven.
None of that earlier nonsense.
Truly, a good emperor should just stay asleep.
Expressionless, Fang He rubbed her sore knees, stood up, and left the chamber.
Seeing Liang Jiugong outside, she simply instructed him, “Have the Imperial Kitchen prepare some snacks and honey citron water.”
Liang Jiugong peered inside cautiously.
The sight of the sleeping Emperor made him shudder.
Kangxi was terrifying when drunk.
Keeping his voice low, he asked, “His Majesty is still awake?”
Fang He’s response was brief.
“Asleep. He vomited earlier, so I ordered honey citron water. It sobers up drunks and relieves headaches—it’s as effective as sobering soup.”
Liang Jiugong gave Fang He a complicated look.
“You’re quite meticulous…”
For the first time, Fang He didn’t play dumb.
She raised her head slightly, her bright, deer-like eyes filled with mockery.
“His Majesty thought it was you serving him. He said you were incompetent and planned to send you to the laundry bureau once he sobered up.”
“Now, if Liang Eunuch isn’t careful, I might be left reminiscing about your kindness from afar.”
Liang Jiugong: …Is this damn girl threatening me?!