The tingling sensation brought by stroking my tail quickly pushed away all my worries.
I slowly shifted my attention back to the sensations of my body.
Hmm… now I don’t really want to cut off my tail anymore.
Though I don’t want to admit it, stroking my tail really feels good, and my hand just won’t stop.
Maybe it’s because I haven’t been a catgirl for long enough? Perhaps over time I’ll get used to it.
After finding this reasonable excuse to comfort myself, I studied my tail without any guilt.
It seems that, to others, my tail and ears are quite ordinary things?
I came to this thought because I pay close attention to how others look at me.
It seems that aside from Gu Fan seriously looking at my ears and tail, everyone else just casually glances past them.
Yet my cat ears and tail are definitely within their field of vision.
Hmm~ so many things I just don’t understand.
But if I were to dig deeper, rather than becoming a catgirl, I want to know why I travelled back to my first year of high school.
And… whether Gu Fan is actually sick or not.
As the class was about to end, students who finished early were already walking through the hallways.
I looked at their energetic figures and couldn’t help but worry about Gu Fan’ future.
He really is so slow—if only he would decisively open the medical records, wouldn’t it be clear how his condition was?
If I typed my worries into a Q&A website, I’m sure someone would call me cowardly and timid, right?
“Why don’t you just ask him directly?”
That question echoed in my ears.
But… what if Gu Fan doesn’t want to tell me? Or if he lies and says he’s perfectly healthy?
I always consider the worst possibilities first, and things often do turn out that way. I can’t tell if it’s just bad luck on my part.
I pressed my tail under my thigh and leaned on the desk, resting my stiff neck.
Honestly, given my personality, if I want to face Gu Fan in a somewhat normal way, I have to assume he is sick. Only then can I justify making up for past regrets.
Of course, I don’t mean to wish for Gu Fan to be ill; it’s just that if he’s always healthy, I don’t know what reason I would have to get close to someone as nearly perfect as him.
What kind of attitude should I have toward Gu Fan…?
A heavy cloud floated in my lungs, and the air I exhaled grew murky.
The end-of-class bell and the chattering laughter of classmates brushed past my ears.
I folded my arms and buried my head in my elbows to lessen the noise.
During the time right after class ends, there’s always too many people in the hallway.
I don’t like squeezing through the crowd, so I often rest in the classroom for a while, waiting for things to quiet down before packing up and leaving.
Mostly, it’s because I don’t really have anywhere urgent to go.
Back home, it’s just me by myself.
I have to make lunch alone too—so I might as well stay and eat in the school cafeteria.
I’d burned through too much brainpower in the morning. The moment I got the chance to rest, drowsiness quickly crept in.
The classroom had gone quiet after class—perfect for a nap.
My sharp cat ears could still pick up chatter and footsteps echoing down the corridor. I thought I heard someone calling Gu Fan’s name?
Maybe it was just my imagination—or maybe not. After all, Gu Fan is pretty sociable. A lot of people know him.
Whenever I’m drifting off, my brain will latch onto stray information and start piecing together half-formed theories.
I followed those scattered threads absently, letting them lull me deeper into sleep.
“Zhi Nian?”
A soft voice, paired with the faint scent of mint.
My shoulder was gently shaken. I could feel the sunlight from the window being blocked by someone standing beside me.
“Mmm—”
I let out a sleepy, slightly grumpy murmur and lifted my eyes to see who had woken me.
“…Gu Fan ! Y-you… what are you doing here?”
Startled by the smile on Gu Fan’s face, I couldn’t find anywhere to rest my gaze.
My eyes dropped to the floor instead, and I nervously fiddled with a strand of my long hair.
“I came to return something to a clumsy little dummy.”
Gu fan held up the two bags in his hand.
Peeking closer, I realized he’d thoughtfully packed my backpack and canvas shoes separately.
I hadn’t expected this—Gu Fan had actually brought them to me himself.
I’d already decided to give up on them.
Asking him to return them would’ve been more painful than death…
“Ah… thanks for the trouble.”
Though it wasn’t very comfortable sitting down, I still bent forward in a deep bow, avoiding his gaze as I quickly took the bags from his hand.
I couldn’t see his expression, but I vaguely heard him chuckle. Maybe he was laughing at how flustered I was?
Ugh… maybe… maybe I should just apologize to Gu Fan right now? And maybe ask about…
His condition. How far along the illness has progressed. And if possible… maybe even ask if he wants to have lunch together?
I pressed my legs together, lips trembling slightly. The words I wanted to say were stuck in my throat, refusing to come out no matter how hard I tried.
Just say it! Say something! If I let this perfect chance slip away, who knows how long it’ll be before I get another…
“Gulp.”
I swallowed hard, lungs full of too much air, my chest puffed uncomfortably tight.
“Uh, Gu—”
“Gu Fan! What are you doing? Hurry up and get to the cafeteria! We’ve got a match later, remember?”
Just as I was about to open the floodgates, an outside force came crashing down and slammed them shut again. The sudden pressure nearly made me gag right there.
It had taken all I had just to take the first step out of my comfort zone—only to be shoved right back into it.
My gaze dulled. A bitter frustration welled up inside me. Slowly, I turned my head toward the corridor.
A boy stood there with a single-strap bag slung over his shoulder, wearing a numbered basketball jersey. Probably one of Gu Fan’s teammates?
“Zhi Nian, were you calling me for something?”
To my surprise, Gu Fan had actually heard me trying to call out to him. He didn’t answer his friend right away. Instead, his attention was still on me.
“……”
My breath hitched. I clenched my fists in silent frustration.
Is it really going to end like this?
Wasn’t the whole reason I got this chance to come back… to fix things? To mend the broken pieces?
If I just ran away like before, wouldn’t that be betraying everything I came here to do?
“I… I want your contact info.”
Anything would do—just give me a chance to talk to him again.
I didn’t get my first phone until high school, and his family’s old landline had been cut off by then. All the things I never dared to do before… I had to do them now.
“Huh? Oh, sure.”
Gu Fan blinked, surprised, then quickly nodded.
He grabbed the ballpoint pen I’d left on the desk, pulled a clean tissue from his pocket, and wrote down his phone number and messaging ID.
“Here you go.”
“T-thanks. I, um, gotta go now.”
I took the tissue quickly and blurted the words out in a rush.
I didn’t want to stay and watch him turn away from me and walk off to lunch with his friends. So I squeezed past him, bags in hand, and stumbled out of the classroom.
His friend—the one with the basketball tucked under his arm—watched me go with a strange look on his face.
At moments like this, if I let myself imagine what others were thinking, I’d probably just make myself sick with it.
So I bit down hard, ignored the ache in my curled toes, and ran down the stairs even faster.
The tissue in my palm was wrapped tight, crumpled and warm against my chest—pressed close, like something too precious to lose.
Gu Fan’s warmth seemed to linger on that thin scrap of paper, seeping into my skin, warming not just my hand—but something deeper within me.
I couldn’t tell whether I should feel happy or sad.
All I knew was that from this moment on… I’d taken my first step onto the path of change.